overseen in new york

let me preface this by saying… it’s not my fault.

it’s not my fault that the window in my living room looks DIRECTLY across the airshaft into my neighbor’s kitchen window. it’s also not my fault that both of our windows are open because it’s retardedly hot out today.

okay, so i’m sitting in the living room, minding my own business, when i hear my neighbor across the way – i’ll call her… ‘betina’, because that seems like a fitting name – scream. like, scream. so i jump up to look out the window, and it turns out that it’s just her friend letting himself in without her knowing it and catching her off-guard. fine. so (and now this part is my fault) i linger by the window because i’ve never actually really seen this girl before, just caught glimpses as she walked through the kitchen. so she goes into her refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of peligrino. and then asks her friend how to open it. how to OPEN IT.

now, her friend is in the other room, so i don’t think he heard her, so she starts doing that thing where you’re pretending to talk to the other person, but they aren’t responding, so you sort of are mostly talking to yourself. so eventually she figures out that she needs some sort of opening device. she pulls out a wine opener. at this point, you’re probably thinking what i was… “what the hell is she going to do with that?” well luckily, the wine opener has a bottle opener located at the top of it. so i’m starting to feel relieved until she starts using it the wrong way.

let me interject here by saying that this girl is NOT nine years old, nor has she been locked in this apartment for 15+ years, so she has definitely opened a beer before. or at least SEEN someone open a beer. but she cannot, for the life of her, figure out how to use this to open her g-damn bottle of water.

so she’s trying to figure out how to use this thing, but basically she’s just putting the very top of it against the bottle (where the opening of the bottle opener should have gone). she’s trying both sides of it, she’s trying different spots on the bottle, but to no avail. omg, so weird, right? why wasn’t it working??? ugh.

so finally, her (very understanding and somehow not judgmental at all) friend comes in, asks what she’s doing, and then proceeds to show her how to use the bottle opener.

“ohhh,” she says. “i get it now.”

WHAT?

B.A.M.F.

that’s Bad Ass Maura Fields, for those of you who don’t know. also for those of you who don’t know, i’m a bad friend. it was the aforementioned maura’s big 2-4 recently, and although i obviously gave birthday wishes, i did not obviously give a birthday shout out. so lame. so in honor of the lovely maud squad, i’ve compiled several (SEVERAL) facebook pictures i blatantly stole, many from people i’ve never even met before, to create a sort of awkward MAUntage (yes, i did that) for everyone. so maura… THIS IS FOR YOU:

just to confirm… she IS a badass:

she kicks ass:

and takes names:

she’s a really fast runner:

and a mermaid of sorts:

she is very tall:

but doesn’t let being an OBVIOUS rockstar get to her head

because her gorgeous family keeps her grounded:

sometimes she likes to just think… think her thoughts:

oh, and she’s pretty:

happy birthday maura! you are truly one of a kind. and also in honor of your awesomeness, i wrote this poem for you:

hey maura, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind
hey maura!
hey hey, hey maura!

tagged.

i got an interesting little note on my blog’s information page saying that i was tagged in noah forman’s awesome taxi/photo blog. so in the interest of moving forward with this sort of postmodern chain letter idea, here are my six interesting facts, plus six blogs you should check out:

1. i am part of a number conspiracy.
it’s true! my family is perpetually followed by the number 28. my mom’s birthday is 9/28, my dad’s is 6/28, they were married on 8/28, their honeymoon hotel room number was 828 (i think?), the number of the house i grew up in was 74 (7×4=28), and most recently, the id number for the boat we just rented on our family vacation was 2882.

2. i have a birthmark in my right eye.
it’s in the bottom of the iris (the colored part of the eye). my eyes are generally greenish, but i have this strange light brown blob there.

3. i sponsor a child from mali.
i know i’ve mentioned that in previous blogs, but i thought it was worth noting again. her name is nene, and she’s adorable.

4. i’ve been on multiple cross-country road trips.
four, to be exact. one with maura to asu (explained in interesting fact #5), one from asu back home with my sister, one to cali and back with an ex, and the most recent one with lucy and mariel. these resulted in my being to all but eight(-ish) of the continental states of america. most were rushed, and some were stressful, but altogether, they were all incredibly fun. i generally dislike america for most things, but seeing the country (especially the more interesting states that aren’t all desert) is phenomenal.

5. i went to arizona state university for 2.25 semesters.
go sundevils! ew no, just kidding. don’t get me wrong, i had fun for a full two of those semesters, but it’s a strange thing to move to a state that has the same climate all year round. and unfortunately for me, that entailed weather that i generally associated with spring break and summer. read: it felt like a constant vacation or i didn’t do any work. anyway, it worked out in the end.

6. i have an irrational fear of escalators.
i don’t have a lot to elaborate on that with… just that i know it’s completely ridiculous. but seriously! they are GROSS, and the count of ones that suddenly break and send pregnant women flying in nyc subway stations is uncomfortably high, and children wearing crocs get injured while riding them constantly. and while i’m not pregnant, nor a child wearing those ridiculous shoes… i still opt for the stairs whenever i can.

whew! that was really hard. okay so here are the blogs to check out:

esteban aladro photography i obviously have to plug for the boyfriend. check out his work for funsies, or to hire him. his contact information is available on the site.
on a blind horse our lovely friend lucille has fled america for the great nation of italy, by way of spain!
joe blog we only met for a short time during the aforementioned most recent road trip, but i completely myspace stalked liz and was pleasantly surprised to find a link to her blog! she is VERY informative.
how stuff works speaking of informative… this site also has a free-on-itunes podcast. each episode is only 5 to 10 minutes long, but they delve into really cool and kind of obscure subjects.
the review a dear friend from high school started this blog so we can all know exactly how he feels about things. he’s generally right on the mark. generally.
FAIL just straight up hysterical.

in the interest of getting out of the normal scope of aib grads’ sites, a few of you were left out. you know who you are (abby). my apologies.

oh, and if you were mentioned, you have to do this thing, too… six interesting facts, six blogs (or sites, i guess? maybe i cheated a little) to check out.

a triumphant return.

well, i made it back in one (albeit slightly sunburnt) piece! my family and i were spending some quality time on newfound lake for the past week. it was good times. we did some of this:

we also did some grilling, some tubing, some sitting around, some dnc watching, some more sitting around, and some playing my nintendo ds. we haven’t all taken a vacation like this together in something like nine years, if not more. and coincidentally, the cabin that we rented was one that we had actually rented some 12 years ago. and when i tell you this place hasn’t changed since then, i’m not exaggerating. at all. the rust in the shower was exactly the same, as was the microwave from 1987, as was the abnormally large table in the middle of the place, as were the broken handle things that close the windows. but all in all, it was really fun.

we also got to swing by my old camp alma mater, camp wicosuta. it happens to be on the same lake, so we boated down to check it out. camp apparently has already ended for the season so all the fun docks and stuff had already been taken down, but there were some friendly maintenance guys hanging out there:

i spent seven summers there (my sister spent five, i believe – correct me if i’m wrong, jaime – and my mom spent two! she had gone to camp for more than a decade when she was our age, so she started getting a little jealous that we were having such a good time and decided to come hang out as an administrator-type without the office duties.) and always had a blast. i’ve gone back a handful of times since then and there have been sort of major changes each time… the installation of the crazy big swimming pool is the only one i can remember right now, though. but anyway, as time has gone on, it’s gotten creepier and creepier to go there, just because no one i know is left there (save for prissy, who will live there until the day she dies, and then probably come back to haunt it forever after that… only about six people will understand what that just meant, sorry.), and from what i’ve seen of the campers… well, the place has changed a lot. i’ll try to find an awesome picture of 11 year old me in my hot camp uniform for your viewing pleasure. and by “i”, i mean my mom, because i don’t keep incriminating pictures of myself like that lying around here.

the moral of the story is, for those of you who googled “camp wicosuta” and ended up here by accident, it’s a great place to spend your summers. just ask my wico fanclub facebook groups.

oi.

yeah, a lot of people responded to that craigslist ad. too many. and they all want everything. so to avoid some sort of riot, i took the post down. i’ll put the pictures of the furniture up here, so just remember to let me know before next friday (8/29) if you want something so i can arrange to have it gone for you before the crazy craigslist scavenger people take it away.

things you should know: the wooden chair does NOT fold, the couch DOES pull out into a bed (sleeps up to four drunk – or two sober – friends comfortably), the weirdly tall skinny table is a plant table, and the thing that makes the tiny squares in the shorter bookshelf is removable. all pieces are in good to excellent condition.

in other news, i’m going away for a week! try not to miss the trog too much. that’s right, i can’t even bring the portable blog command center with me as there’s no internet in the middle of nowhere.

stay classy.

so… you like stuff?

so my subletters are officially moving out next weekend, which is awesome because i can stop worrying about it, but sucky because i have to deal with cleaning the apartment and getting rid of the rest of the stuff in it. oh well.

the good news for you guys, though, is that i’m getting rid of the stuff FO’ FREE. i just put an ad up on craigslist for people to come by next weekend to pick stuff up, but i’m also letting you kids know about because if i’m giving away good stuff for free, i’d rather give it to people i know. especially the couch.

the couch is near and dear to my heart, mainly because maura and i spent roughly 58,934,238 weekends on it, watching snl and drinking arizona iced tea. unfortunately, the damn thing is kind of huge and would only fit in the new apartment if we mounted it to the wall above este’s couch (if we could even fit it through the door), and there’s no real way for me to get it back to my parents’ pace. anyway, it’s a pull-out couch and it’s in rockin’ condition.

editor’s note: i jumped the gun. craigslist hasn’t sent me the confirmation email yet. i’ll update with the link when they do. in the meantime, the following paragraph probably won’t make total sense.

…

note that even for friends, the stuff won’t be available until next weekend. and disregard my spiel in it about not caring what you want; let me know and i’ll put it on a little sticky note that i’ll attach to the blog command center so i won’t forget, and we’ll lie to strangers next weekend and tell them that maybe they shouldn’t have shown up so late or they would have gotten it first.

alright kids, here’s the link.

wow, this is way more interesting.

so i’m sitting here at the blog command station, minding my own business, and reading abby’s new blog, when i hear absolute screaming coming from the street. screaming. this one guy is ripping the other guy a new one about not having his back, and how’s he supposed to know he has his head on straight and whatnot?

there are two reasons this freaked me out: 1. there’s a police station on our block, which makes it super quiet over here, and the content of the the yelling made it seem like these guys just had a failed rite-aid robbery; and 2. when i went to the window to spy on them, they looked like they were actually on their way to a rite-aid robbery.

but guess what! they’re actors!

not real actors, but the kind that nyu kids hire to star in their college films. apparently they do that a lot over here.

smorgasbord

you know, i love blogging, but sometimes i wish i could do a video montage.

bff’s in bay ridge:

mariel at dmv court:

m&m world, times square:

steve and chad had a birthday/housewarming party:

este played sports at a bbq in upstate ny (weirdest sentence ever):

KUGEL:

yeah, so those things happened. sorry guys, it’s early and a lot of things happened that i didn’t keep good enough track of. BUT i will do better in the future. promise.

OH! thank kati mennett for this (skip to the minute-ish mark to skip all the background info stuff):

extra! extra!

fun things have been happening this week, and more are to come this weekend, but i wanted to hold off on that post until i made this very special, very important announcement:

alex w. reads missed connections on craigslist, like, all the time.

adventures on the subway.

este and i hauled down to bay ridge last night to see erin and zach and alex and john (etc). obviously it was awesome times to see everyone, and este and i haven’t really been out since we moved, so it was fun! the bar was amusing. but the TRULY amazing part of the night was the ride home.

este we decided not to take a cab home, but the subway instead. fine. obviously, about five minutes after we left, i had to pee wicked bad, but the ride seemed not too long on the way down, so i wasn’t extremely worried about it. and then the train came and said it was just a “shuttle” to 36th street, so we had to change there to a different train. then that train stopped at a later stop and hung out in the station for like 8 minutes. so by now i’m a little annoyed. but finally we see a D express train, so we jump on it because that’s only like two stops to ours and not a horrible walk.

so we get on the train and sit down and we’re minding our own business when this woman, one of a group of five in ranging ages, starts yelling about something to a guy sitting near us. then she comes over, stands across from us, and pops a squat! she literally peed ON the subway. and while she was peeing, she was yelling that if she doesn’t pee when she has to, she gets bladder infections. meanwhile, i’m sitting there with my feet on este, with MY bladder about to explode. but i’m not wearing a dress over my jeans that would cover my ass, and i’m NOT A CRAZY PERSON! i absolutely couldn’t believe it.

so, you know, she carried on for a bit about how they close the bathrooms at coney island at midnight, but coney island itself doesn’t close until one, and it’s so unfair, etc etc. i guess that makes sense (and anyone who’s tried to stay at a boston bar until last call and then take the T home can probably empathize), but still. lady, i’m pretty sure i was about 9 seconds from some internal organ exploding last night, but i waited, and i power-walked home from the subway, and i was just fine.

i dunno, maybe i was just jealous that she did that and i was in agonizing pain for about twenty minutes longer, but hot damn. it was crazy.