ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-

-changes.

that’s right, folks. i’ll be making some changes around here. that sort of just occurred to me. normally when i get this type of thought in my head, i cut my hair really short or move to arizona, but my hair’s already short and i’m not seventeen, so this time is a little different. i was sitting in front of the blog command center, pondering whether or not to upload various cute-baby pictures (one of my african friend nene, others of the brooklyn wonder-twins), and decided that i don’t really feel like talking about my life anymore. at least not in a “dear diary” sense.

and no, it’s not just to entice people to read the blog, but also to push myself a little to absorb the city some more. i pass things every day that are so amazing (for example, a guy standing outside pommes frites with 20 ten-pound bags of raw potatoes), but i just smile and walk past them because i don’t want to look touristy or something awwwwful like that. i want to document things as i see them, because new york city is – if nothing else – an extremely interesting place to live. and i’d like to share that.

stay tuned.

announcement! (etc)

okay so first the announcement: yesterday, friday 23 oct, maura moved to and then seconded a motion to add joeblog to the list of friends’ art and blogs, located conveniently to the left of this post. the motion passed. enjoy.

okay, now for the etc: este and i did awesome halloween things! check it:

BEFORE

AFTER

and lastly, our apartment’s falling apart! no, not really, but it’s kind of scary. okay long story short: they started doing renovations on the apartment above ours a couple of weeks ago. the landlord called este to tell him this, and to say that should we find any cracks in the ceiling or anything during this process, to call them immediately. well, no cracks yet, but this happened yesterday:

yes, normally that is attached to the ceiling a little better. there are also a couple of spots (in the bathroom, este’s desk…) where there are heavy sprinklings of, well, ceiling.

nothing really terrible’s happened yet, though. we called the maintenance people yesterday but because of shabbat the only thing available to us was the emergency line. i tried calling that – and i know this isn’t technically an emergency, but i KNOW that if part of the ceiling falls over the weekend and we hadn’t called to tell them what was going on, they’d flip out and not pay for damages or fix anything or whatever – and they said that this technically isn’t an emergency and that they’d call me back. still waiting on that.

so i’m not really worried because we survived the night and i’d say that’s a good sign, but i am kind of annoyed, since i was being very polite and calm in explaining that i know this isn’t like the apartment’s on fire or anything, but i wanted to get something on record as saying that we had, in fact, notice some slight changes to the apartment since the construction upstairs started, but the three different people i talked to (always fun) kept interrupting and not really listening to what i was saying. it’s times like that that provide me with absolutely no faith whatsoever that anything will get resolved, since you can’t really solve a problem if you don’t understand what’s happening, right?

okay and while we’re on the complaining track… sorry i’ve been a bad little poster recently. este is downloading eight (8) seasons of the simpsons right now and it’s making our internet wicked slow and me pretty damn cranky when i use the computer. so. there’s that. read joeblog!

not quite scathing, but close enough.

i know i’m not the first person to say that sarah palin kind of sucks. or to say that she REALLY sucks. (both of which i agree with.) but what really grinds my gears is her smug demeanor. republicans have made it a point to call barack and michelle obama “elitists” as often as humanly possible, but the only one of the four nominees (presidential and vice presidential, respectively) who acts like she’s better than everyone is sarah palin.

too many people have taken her tone for spunk, but i have to say, to me she’s nothing more than a sniveling, third-grade-style know-it-all. the problem is, though, that she knows practically nothing, as is usually the case. but honestly, it’s not surprising. anyone who’s served so little time in any sort of government position simply cannot be expected to learn, memorize, and recite everything that a 25+-year senator knows over the course of five weeks. but to stand there and act like you can, and you did, is just rude. to have the audacity to put on airs and pretend that you have even the slightest bit of knowledge about such an enormous range of information… it’s disrespectful.

almost as disrespectful as mccain’s campaign’s assumption that women (and i’m sure a lot of men) are so shallow, that we would be willing to overlook the fact that hillary and sarah are different on pretty much every single fundamental level… and vote for her anyway because she’s a woman, and for some reason, mccain’s camp thinks that the reason hillary clinton came so close to office was not because she’s qualified or deserving, but because women in general just really want a woman in office.

and what makes it worse – in BOTH cases – is that there are so many people out there who are feeding into these stereotypes and misogynistic opinions. IN BOTH CASES. there are men and women all over this country who are supporting sarah palin for all the wrong reasons. and i know that i’m implying, by saying that, that there are “right” reasons to vote for her and mccain… i happen to wholeheartedly believe that no such “right” reason exists, but i’m trying to be tolerant. as tolerant as palin just said she is of her gay friend’s choice. to be gay. choice. gay. okay…

but seriously, it’s disappointing to me that there are people out there who are succumbing to all of the grandstanding, and all of the low low low expectations that are being formed – by the minute – for and by the american people. people like that should embarrassed and, quite frankly, ashamed of themselves. it is people like you who turn historic events like presidential races and even things like the post-9/11 era – things that should otherwise be fully respected – and make them into mockeries.

and now for the cool part:

politifact
amazing fact checkers with hilarious moving graphics denoting the level of fact and/or fiction of politician’s statements

zzz…

oh i’m sorry, am i NOT supposed to fall asleep at work? my bad. but then again, i thought you were supposed to do WORK at work.

ugh. sorry, guys. i’m not really that angry, i’m just super super bored. the place i work at runs in two seasons per year, and we’re between them right now which means that there is no work for me to do. also, my boss is out of town, so he can’t even give me inane tasks to do. so basically i’ve reorganized our office space, finished a crossword puzzle, left early yesterday (whoops!), and read blogs. all day. every day. and there are still two days left in the damn week.

anyway, i’m just writing to bitch a little, and also to get opinions on the new format. i want to be able to do that thing where you change colors and fonts and stuff, but the only thing i could find that sort of allows you to do that makes you pay cash money. i don’t want to do that. so can someone tell me how to do that without spending anything? because that might be a fun little activity for me.

HOW DARE YOU.

fyi, i do have pictures and stories from this past weekend with the visitors and birthday bash and whatnot, but i’ve been busy packing so i haven’t really had time to go through the whole shebang yet. UNTIL NOW.

so as you’ve heard, este and i found an apartment in the east village last week. hooray! they told us that the apartment was listed for july 15, much to our chagrin. we asked, “no way for august 1, huh?”, and we were DE-NIED. fine, so we pay for a couple of extra weeks… at least we found a great apartment and now people can help us move (since the rest of our friends are moving 8/1).

shortly after we get approved for the apartment, the landlord tells este that we actually can’t move in until probably the 18th or the 19th, but anywhere between then and aug 31 is fine by them. apparently the current tenants have been there for five years, and between that and the two cats living there, the management needs some extra time to clean and paint and de-gross-smellify the place. so he tells este to call him the following wednesday (today) just to confirm all that.

i’m sure you’ve figure out by now that this story does not have a happy ending (otherwise i probably wouldn’t be going into this great of detail.)… well, pat yourself on your back, friend, because you’re absolutely right. guy goes ahead and tells este that the current tenants aren’t moving out until THURSday, and they’ll need into the middle of next week to clean. read: we can’t move in until next weekend, as the middle of the week doesn’t really work well for people who have JOBS.

okay, so here are my questions:

1. what landlord in the entirety of new york city allows tenants to move out three days after their lease is up? i mean, i understand that they’ve been there for a while, and i’m sure they’ve built up some sort of relationship with the landlord, but honestly, what the f? they’ve known for at least a month that they’re moving. when the landlord told me we’d probably have the apartment on saturday, i started packing the next day to make sure i had all my ducks in a row on time, and i don’t know this guy from adam.

2. who sets a move-in day for the third week of the month? i’ve been moving in and out of apartments for the last six years of my life, and i have NEVER seen a listing for anything other than the first or the 15th of the month. is this guy really so greedy that he needs to prorate the six days we’ll be there before august 1? especially since he already knew that he’d need extra time to clean the apartment? i can’t imagine that two weeks unpaid for will really break the bank for this guy.

moral of the story? i’m annoyed. i’m 75% packed already to appease the g-d landlord, which means i now have to UN- and then RE-pack a bunch of my shit (clothes, namely) over the course of the next week and a half. LAME.

on a scale of 1 to 10 (part one)

note: i plan on making this a mini-series, hence the “part one”.

how awful was today?

you tell me! i’ll show you chronologically.

11 am: get home from este’s after realizing i hadn’t designed the tshirt i was supposed to screenprint this afternoon
1145 am: finish designing
1150 am: screen goes black. won’t act normally
1240 pm: leave for domestic construction to screenprint
215 pm: leave early from domestic construction to go to apple appointment
225 pm: wait for a car to pick up lucy because she’s seconds from puking on the street (that’s right, lucy, i said it)
227 pm: have este move back my appointment to 320
245 pm: arrive at L station, only to discover that the train is running in two sections, and the one i have to take does not go to my stop, but ends at union square (aka, 6 avenue blocks from where i need to be)
326 pm: arrive at apple store (after power-walking in flip-flips and 75-degree weather)
345 pm: meet with apple guy, who promptly figures out that my screen cable is unhooked or something AGAIN, but instead of stealing it away from me, takes it in the back and fixes that mother right up
414 pm: realize i haven’t eaten anything besides a tofutti cuti and half a pickle all day
430: eat gross tuna salad at one of the cafeteria things on 34th and broadway
445 pm: leave said “cafeteria” and realize that i’m basically in times square.

SO! i’d give today probably a two? what do you think? i only give today points because my computer is still alive and well and in my lap, and my loved ones and i are still alive and well. but those are the ONLY reasons. ugh.

no soup for you!

now i’m not the biggest seinfeld fan in the world, but i do think this soup nazi guy was way misunderstood. and this coming from a soup jew. but seriously, he had a system, an EFFICIENT system, and you better learn that system or get out of the way. so whhhhhy can’t other people and businesses learn from his example.

i ordered something from tinyshowcase a little while ago, and the usps tried to deliver it april 15. i wasn’t home, so they gave me that godawful pink slip letting me know when i could pick it up. after not being home some more, and being busy and being lazy and whatnot, i went to pick it up this morning on my way home from este’s house. i got there at about 10:50. at 11, it was my turn at the window (this may not seem like a big time to wait, by the way, but there was ONE person in front of me.).

i get to the window, very efficiently give them my slip and my id, as they ask you to, and the guy at the window disappears. i move to the right, where the put the packages for you once they find them, to free up the first window for the next person in line. no more than two minutes later, two hasidic guys on bluetooths come up next to and behind me, chattering away. loudly. keep in mind, they are not in the “official” line, which is to the left of me now. finally, a woman comes over and tells me that she has someone else (now a third person) looking for the package for me. as soon as she finishes, the guy next to me starts yelling about the mail that he’s come to pick up, and why isn’t there anything in the box (which is right behind the window)? so now she’s catering to him and the girl who’s in the ACTUAL line next to me, who i later find out has been sitting at home waiting for a package for the past two days that never got delivered. she ended up calling the national line for usps to get the damn thing taken off the truck so she could come pick it up. but she had to bring a full-sized suitcase with her because it was so big.

fast forward to 11:15… the second one comes up to the window, finally, and tells me she just can’t “find the damn thing anywhere”. i politely tell her that it’s been there for a week, so it has to be there somewhere, and she replies that it could be in “that big bin back there, but [i don't] have time to go through it.” i ask if someone ELSE could go through it. no. so she photocopies my slip, writes down my phone number and redelivery date, and starts talking to the next person in line.

NOT OKAY. not only is it not okay to keep me waiting so long without actually hearing from anybody what’s going on, but it’s not okay to talk to three other people in the meantime, and then blatantly not do your job in the end (by not finding the package). i’m really sorry that there are now four other people in line that are waiting (besides the very rude guys next to me), but i came here because you told me to and now you’re not even going to have the courtesy to give me what i came for? the object that YOU have potentially lost? that’s not how businesses work, lady.

so i come home and check the mailbox. i have three netflix videos waiting for me. three! you know why? because lucy and i sent three to THEM on tuesday. and they told us that they received those videos, and they’re going to return three new ones to us on thursday. and when one video didn’t get delivered two months ago? they resent it and then double-checked to make sure it arrived. can you believe it? they did what they promised. crazy.

i have a really big problem with inefficiency. clearly. but when an establishment like the united states goddamn postal service has so clearly become a dysfunctional business environment, i get angry. long lines i can deal with (and have to. every time i go there), but if all of your employees are esl (at best) and most of them can’t even take the time to complete the job that another employee failed to do? not okay.

needless to say, the usps will be getting a strongly worded letter from me.

bangin’ tatas.

yeah, you heard me.

this is the new(-ish) face of the boston celtics’ cheerleaders:

now let me explain why this makes me sick. SICK. i’ve been going to celtics games since i was pretty small, so i may be biased, but last time i checked, sports games like baseball and basketball – basically anything besides ultimate fighting or something – are pretty much family events. this is why (wait for it) there are so many families there. and i KNOW this for a fact, because they show all the cute dads with their sons and daughters with the face paint dancing to the music and getting really exciting on the jumbotron. so clearly i have hard evidence.

so is that cheerleader ^ something that is REALLY appropriate for an occasion like this? i’m thinking no. there are probably about twenty girls in this “cheerleading” squad. and i put “cheerleading” in “quotations” because it’s basically just a glorified club for girls with daddy issues that like to dance. so, as i’m sitting next to my father, eating ice cream and trying to figure out if that’s donnie or mark wahlberg sitting across the court from us, do i really want twenty sixteen year olds in bikinis shaking things that actually aren’t really there yet? no.

and furthermore – and we’re finally getting to the reason for the title now – do i really need the four drunk 23 year olds sitting behind me and my father screaming about the asian girl’s “bangin’ tatas”?! absolutely not. especially when that’s basically the only phrase that they apparently know to describe a nice rack. see how easy that was? there are many synonyms for not just “bangin’”, but “tatas” as well. take note, drunk assholes. take note.

for shame.

guys! join our team and/or sponsor us! we’ll make you tshirts!

how far is too far?

i have a quick bone to pick with society, and i’d like to see if other people are on board here.

i don’t know if i mentioned this in the seattle portion of the road trip blog, but while we were there, we stopped to drink some coffee by the water and hang out and whatnot. while we were there we ended up standing next to what was apparently a short-term parking lot for junkies. seriously, there were at least three guys that were clearly f-ed up and totally dozing in and out. one of the guys had long blonde hair that was up in a pony tail, and after walking around VERY slowly for about ten minutes with his eyes closed, he took out a comb and started brushing his hair, while standing up.

we obviously noticed this and were briefly looking over and then clearly lost interest, because how long can you really stare at guy who’s… standing there? apparently, the five assholes standing next to us could do that for quite some time. and felt the need to video tape it on one of their digital cameras. while laughing hysterically and making fun of the guy. standing ten feet away from him.

now don’t get me wrong, i am completely aware that i make fun of people. and usually to their faces. BUT, i draw the line at helpless people who aren’t affecting me in any way whatsoever, ie, people i’m not actually engaged in conversation with or other such scenarios.

which brings me to last night. let me start off by saying that all but about 30 minutes of the night were fantastic. there were a handful of boston people in and we went out in the city and it was pretty nice out, all which have not happened for some time, especially simultaneously. but the thirty minutes that were not so awesome involved at least three different altercations that totally blew my mind. especially since they all happened one right after the other. the first was on the train going to w 4th street. there’s a guy that i usually only see on the J that got on the F with us who plays a VERY expensive (according to ross) guitar with an amp thingy and sings “ain’t no sunshine” (and pretty well, actually). but the point is, the guy is clearly homeless and trying to make a buck. while we were on the train, some half-brained asshole bro-dude starts singing along with him. loudly. the guy told him to stop, but he continued anyway, to the point where the homeless guy came up to him with his fists up. they got into a spat, and this jerk harassed the guy until he switched cars. and then continued to go on an n-word tirade to his mostly (maybe all?) white friends until we finally got off the train.

DISCLAIMER for scenario 2: sorry, mom

we got off the train and i’m bringing up the back of the crowd of us and start walking up the stairs. i hear some people yelling behind me, and obviously ignore it until one of these yelling people comes up and hits me in the back. not like, quick elbow by accident, but blatant full arm-swing to the back. i continue ignoring this person, but lucy here’s the commotion so she holds back and starts walking with me up the next set of stairs, when this same girl comes up behind us and puts her arms around us. not in a friendly way. so lucy and i clearly turn around simultaneously and tell this girl, and her asshole tween friends, to get the fuck off of us, which she did. her friends later apologized. regardless.

then literally three minutes later, as we’re standing on the corner right outside of the subway, mariel accidentally knocks into a woman that’s walking by. she was fooling around and stepped back without looking and apparently just sort of collided with this woman, who started to immediately yell at mariel, who had literally apologized three times successively right after that happened. which prompted her son to yell, also. as they were walking away. real brave, right?

so my point to all this rambling, and question of this entire post, is how far is too far? how far can you push someone before they really lose it? the homeless guy defended himself (which he had every right to do) and then left, i teared up (which i had every right to do) and then left, and mariel… well, mariel didn’t punch this idiot woman in the face (which she had every right to do). but seriously, i expect some amount of craziness to happen in the city. you can’t live here and not. but at a certain point, things get a little too out of hand and inappropriate. honestly, you’re not a big man for picking on defenseless people or making a scene from several feet away. you’re not.

so to all you bro-dudes, messed up tweens, and drunk milfs who read this blog, next time you find yourself in a situation where you have the opportunity to fully piss somebody off or do something inappropriate… don’t. please. for me. because i generally like to have some sort of faith in humanity.